Relevant Bible Teaching On
How To Handle Your Feeling
Feelings are a very confusing thing if one tries to think about what they actually are and what they actually do. One thing is for sure, feelings are powerful, and they can significantly impact our thinking and our choices. Thus, we must understand what they are and how to best live as human beings whom God made with feelings.
In some circles, it is taught to suppress or ignore feelings as if desire or passion of any kind is dangerous and deadly. This kind of thinking stems from poor theology about the nature of the believer’s heart. If we believe the Scripture which says that we are given new hearts (Ezekiel 36:26, Matthew 5:8) and made into new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17) who are no longer slaves to sin (Romans 6:6), then we need not categorically fear our emotions as if they are always evil and destined to lead us astray. The Bible doesn’t portray such a negative view of feelings. For example, the bride in Song of Solomon says that her feelings were aroused for her beloved (Song of Song of Solomon 5:4). Jesus felt compassion for the people who followed him for three days and needed food (Mark 8:2). In the early church, everyone kept feeling a sense of awe because of the powerful work of God in their midst (Acts 2:43). Paul felt love and gratefulness when he thought of the believers at Philippi (Philippians 1:7). These are examples of good, normal, and healthy feelings. To suppress such feelings would be to dehumanize ourselves and to ignore part of how God made us. It would be to take love and romance and make it into disinterested boredom. It would be to take care and compassion and make it into impersonal charity. It would be to take an uplifting experience in worship when we are caught up in the wonder of the majesty of our God and supplant it with mechanical ritual and heartless words. To remove feelings from our existence is to kill off a very important part of our being. To be fully human, and thus to live life to the full and to glorify God, we must allow our feelings to operate in a sanctified manner.
Feelings have value and purpose. In fact, feelings are very much interconnected to our thinking. We don’t feel things for no reason at all, but there is a cause. If we feel angry, it is likely because someone has agitated us. If we feel afraid, it is likely because we mentally perceive danger, whether real or not. If we feel disinterested, it is because something is not stimulating our mind to be considered worthy of our thoughts and attention. Feelings also lead to different responses by our body, whether flushed cheeks, a rush of energy, a feeling of fatigue, or a variety of other things. Our body, soul, and mind are very much interconnected, and to suppose that feelings can or should just be turned off is not a healthy or Biblical approach.
The way to handle feelings is the same way we handle thoughts, and this works because of the interconnectedness of thinking and feeling. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Sometimes we will feel things that are legitimate feelings but in the wrong context. A temptation of lust, for example, might excite us before we even have a chance to consciously think about who it was that incited the feelings. This is a normal feeling that is part of being a sexual being, but it is in the wrong context and at the wrong time. Once we are cognizant of the mental state which we are in and of the feelings which we have, we must immediately and almost as a reflex reevaluate them in light of our conscience and Biblical morality. In this instance, the feelings must be dropped which means that we will have to not think on what we just saw and rather think on what is good, right, noble, and pure. Once we discard the thought or, as the Bible says, take the thought captive unto obedience to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), the feelings will subside, and the bodily impulses will go away. But we must not let feelings that are in the wrong context lead to a willful decision to sin by thinking wrong thoughts or doing wrong things. We are not slaves to our thoughts, to our choices, or to our feelings because we are no longer slaves to sin. There is always a way of escape from temptation, even if the feelings are strong (1 Corinthians 10:13). We must choose to think rightly, thereby redirecting our feelings. After all, the feelings we will have after doing right are always more fulfilling than the regret of doing wrong. May God enable us to live in a way such that our feelings are increasingly sanctified such that we delight in obedience, good, and truth and get disturbed by disobedience, evil, and deceit. The more we walk in truth and obedience, the more our feelings will cooperate and prod us onward in the right direction.
Monday, October 11, 2010
How Do You Feel?
Relevant Bible Teaching On
How to Handle Your Feelings
Feelings are a very confusing thing if one tries to think about what they actually are and what they actually do. One thing is for sure, feelings are powerful, and they can significantly impact our thinking and our choices. Thus, we must understand what they are and how to best live as human beings whom God made with feelings.
In some circles, it is taught to suppress or ignore feelings as if desire or passion of any kind is dangerous and deadly. This kind of thinking stems from poor theology about the nature of the believer’s heart. If we believe the Scripture which says that we are given new hearts (Ezekiel 36:26, Matthew 5:8) and made into new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17) who are no longer slaves to sin (Romans 6:6), then we need not categorically fear our emotions as if they are always evil and destined to lead us astray. The Bible doesn’t portray such a negative view of feelings. For example, the bride in Song of Solomon says that her feelings were aroused for her beloved (Song of Song of Solomon 5:4). Jesus felt compassion for the people who followed him for three days and needed food (Mark 8:2). In the early church, everyone kept feeling a sense of awe because of the powerful work of God in their midst (Acts 2:43). Paul felt love and gratefulness when he thought of the believers at Philippi (Philippians 1:7). These are examples of good, normal, and healthy feelings. To suppress such feelings would be to dehumanize ourselves and to ignore part of how God made us. It would be to take love and romance and make it into disinterested boredom. It would be to take care and compassion and make it into impersonal charity. It would be to take an uplifting experience in worship when we are caught up in the wonder of the majesty of our God and supplant it with mechanical ritual and heartless words. To remove feelings from our existence is to kill off a very important part of our being. To be fully human, and thus to live life to the full and to glorify God, we must allow our feelings to operate in a sanctified manner.
Feelings have value and purpose. In fact, feelings are very much interconnected to our thinking. We don’t feel things for no reason at all, but there is a cause. If we feel angry, it is likely because someone has agitated us. If we feel afraid, it is likely because we mentally perceive danger, whether real or not. If we feel disinterested, it is because something is not stimulating our mind to be considered worthy of our thoughts and attention. Feelings also lead to different responses by our body, whether flushed cheeks, a rush of energy, a feeling of fatigue, or a variety of other things. Our body, soul, and mind are very much interconnected, and to suppose that feelings can or should just be turned off is not a healthy or Biblical approach.
The way to handle feelings is the same way we handle thoughts, and this works because of the interconnectedness of thinking and feeling. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Sometimes we will feel things that are legitimate feelings but in the wrong context. A temptation of lust, for example, might excite us before we even have a chance to consciously think about who it was that incited the feelings. This is a normal feeling that is part of being a sexual being, but it is in the wrong context and at the wrong time. Once we are cognizant of the mental state which we are in and of the feelings which we have, we must immediately and almost as a reflex reevaluate them in light of our conscience and Biblical morality. In this instance, the feelings must be dropped which means that we will have to not think on what we just saw and rather think on what is good, right, noble, and pure. Once we discard the thought or, as the Bible says, take the thought captive unto obedience to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), the feelings will subside, and the bodily impulses will go away. But we must not let feelings that are in the wrong context lead to a willful decision to sin by thinking wrong thoughts or doing wrong things. We are not slaves to our thoughts, to our choices, or to our feelings because we are no longer slaves to sin. There is always a way of escape from temptation, even if the feelings are strong (1 Corinthians 10:13). We must choose to think rightly, thereby redirecting our feelings. After all, the feelings we will have after doing right are always more fulfilling than the regret of doing wrong. May God enable us to live in a way such that our feelings are increasingly sanctified such that we delight in obedience, good, and truth and get disturbed by disobedience, evil, and deceit. The more we walk in truth and obedience, the more our feelings will cooperate and prod us onward in the right direction.
How to Handle Your Feelings
Feelings are a very confusing thing if one tries to think about what they actually are and what they actually do. One thing is for sure, feelings are powerful, and they can significantly impact our thinking and our choices. Thus, we must understand what they are and how to best live as human beings whom God made with feelings.
In some circles, it is taught to suppress or ignore feelings as if desire or passion of any kind is dangerous and deadly. This kind of thinking stems from poor theology about the nature of the believer’s heart. If we believe the Scripture which says that we are given new hearts (Ezekiel 36:26, Matthew 5:8) and made into new creations (2 Corinthians 5:17) who are no longer slaves to sin (Romans 6:6), then we need not categorically fear our emotions as if they are always evil and destined to lead us astray. The Bible doesn’t portray such a negative view of feelings. For example, the bride in Song of Solomon says that her feelings were aroused for her beloved (Song of Song of Solomon 5:4). Jesus felt compassion for the people who followed him for three days and needed food (Mark 8:2). In the early church, everyone kept feeling a sense of awe because of the powerful work of God in their midst (Acts 2:43). Paul felt love and gratefulness when he thought of the believers at Philippi (Philippians 1:7). These are examples of good, normal, and healthy feelings. To suppress such feelings would be to dehumanize ourselves and to ignore part of how God made us. It would be to take love and romance and make it into disinterested boredom. It would be to take care and compassion and make it into impersonal charity. It would be to take an uplifting experience in worship when we are caught up in the wonder of the majesty of our God and supplant it with mechanical ritual and heartless words. To remove feelings from our existence is to kill off a very important part of our being. To be fully human, and thus to live life to the full and to glorify God, we must allow our feelings to operate in a sanctified manner.
Feelings have value and purpose. In fact, feelings are very much interconnected to our thinking. We don’t feel things for no reason at all, but there is a cause. If we feel angry, it is likely because someone has agitated us. If we feel afraid, it is likely because we mentally perceive danger, whether real or not. If we feel disinterested, it is because something is not stimulating our mind to be considered worthy of our thoughts and attention. Feelings also lead to different responses by our body, whether flushed cheeks, a rush of energy, a feeling of fatigue, or a variety of other things. Our body, soul, and mind are very much interconnected, and to suppose that feelings can or should just be turned off is not a healthy or Biblical approach.
The way to handle feelings is the same way we handle thoughts, and this works because of the interconnectedness of thinking and feeling. Philippians 4:8 says, "Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things." Sometimes we will feel things that are legitimate feelings but in the wrong context. A temptation of lust, for example, might excite us before we even have a chance to consciously think about who it was that incited the feelings. This is a normal feeling that is part of being a sexual being, but it is in the wrong context and at the wrong time. Once we are cognizant of the mental state which we are in and of the feelings which we have, we must immediately and almost as a reflex reevaluate them in light of our conscience and Biblical morality. In this instance, the feelings must be dropped which means that we will have to not think on what we just saw and rather think on what is good, right, noble, and pure. Once we discard the thought or, as the Bible says, take the thought captive unto obedience to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5), the feelings will subside, and the bodily impulses will go away. But we must not let feelings that are in the wrong context lead to a willful decision to sin by thinking wrong thoughts or doing wrong things. We are not slaves to our thoughts, to our choices, or to our feelings because we are no longer slaves to sin. There is always a way of escape from temptation, even if the feelings are strong (1 Corinthians 10:13). We must choose to think rightly, thereby redirecting our feelings. After all, the feelings we will have after doing right are always more fulfilling than the regret of doing wrong. May God enable us to live in a way such that our feelings are increasingly sanctified such that we delight in obedience, good, and truth and get disturbed by disobedience, evil, and deceit. The more we walk in truth and obedience, the more our feelings will cooperate and prod us onward in the right direction.
Friday, October 8, 2010
How to Handle Your Feeling
Simple as it may seem
To listen to what’s deep inside
It is the hardest thing
To let go from the heart what hides
You deserve to listen...
-Susan Herrick, You Deserve
What to Do With Your Feelings
by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist,
Intense emotion can be overwhelming for all of us. And if you're just opening up to an emotion, it can feel very raw. No matter how experienced you are with your emotions, we all need help sometimes to know how to deal with them.
Learning to recognize and stay with our feelings is a valuable experience. We can learn that just because we feel something, we don't have to act on it. Or that we can be angry and choose how to respond rather than let the anger control us. The more we know how we feel and ways to feel, release, be with, or let go of our feelings, the better we feel about ourselves.
But how do I know what I'm feeling?
If you don't know how you feel or how to get in touch with your feelings:
1. Identify how you feel:
• Sit quietly for a moment; you might want to close your eyes, and then wait and see what you notice from inside.
• Notice how different areas of your body feel.
• Focus on the areas of tension, breathe, and see if anything comes to your awareness. You don’t have to think about it.
• Notice whether any thoughts, images, feelings, memories, sounds come to you.
• If nothing comes, that’s okay. You may still want to continue.
• Ask yourself how you're feeling, and be aware of what comes up.
• You don’t have to figure anything out, just be aware.
• If nothing comes to you, that's okay. Sometimes that happens. You may still want to try again, another time.
2. Acknowledge your feelings:
• If you know how you feel, let yourself know that this is how you are feeling right now, and that’s okay.
• You don’t have to know where it is coming from.
• You don’t even have to know what to name it; you may simply know that you have a lot of pain in your chest.
• Breathe through it.
• Let your feelings just be there.
• You don’t have to do anything with them, just accept that this is how you feel.
But where do these feelings come from? They just seemed to come out of the blue.
If you want to understand why you feel a certain way:
1. Identify the source of your feelings:
• Know that you are not being "silly" or "crazy" for feeling how you feel; your feelings are there for a good reason.
• Turn inward, and ask yourself what are these feelings connected to.
• Wait and see what you notice. You might just know. You might remember something, see an image, hear a sound, notice tension in a particular area of your body.
• Try not to analyse, interpret or judge what comes to you. Be open to what you notice.
• Go deeper. We may think we already know why we're feeling a certain way, but sometimes there is more to it than what we think. Being patient and receptive helps us to go deeper.
• If nothing comes to you, that’s okay, too. It helps to just let yourself feel.
What do I do with these feelings?
2. Express or release your feelings.
Even if you don't know why you are feeling this way, you can still express yourself in the privacy of your own home.
• Focus on how you feel. Open your mouth and let a sound come from that feeling.
• Move with the feeling. You can dance, stomp around, kick, hit something.
• Scream. If you are worried about the sound, you can scream into a pillow.
• Cry. If you feel like crying, give yourself permission to do this.
• Write or draw from this feeling place. Don’t censor yourself, let the feeling do the writing or drawing.
• Say out loud what you need to say to someone.
• Tell someone supportive how you are feeling.
It's too much for me. I can't take it any more. What do I do?
1. Comfort and reassure yourself:
• Talk to yourself as you would a friend. Be gentle and kind.
• Reassure yourself with whatever you need to hear, for example, "I’m okay, I’m safe."
• Curl up in a comfortable chair/bed with a blanket, a warm drink, a good book, or watch a show on T.V.
• Do something nice for yourself. Treat yourself to something special, take a bubble bath, go to a spa, get a massage.
• Talk to a supportive friend. Ask for what you need.
2. Take a break from your feelings:
Sometimes feelings become overwhelming and you need a break from them. This doesn't mean denying that they are there, only that you need a break and will come back to them later when you are rested. After taking a break, it is important to come back to your feelings. They may have changed, and that's okay.
• Create a safe inner place. Let your imagination create an image of something(s) that represents how you are feeling right now. It may be concrete or abstract. Take your time, let your imagination develop this fully. Then imagine a protective bubble around this image, separating yourself from it. Look at the image. Notice that it is still there, but separate from you. Your feelings are still there, but you are not in them right now. You have a choice, you don't have to be in your feelings right now. Let yourself take the break that you need. Taking this break will mean that you will be better able to deal with them later. You may want to imagine yourself in a safe place -- any image that you choose.
• Remember times when you felt good. Let yourself relax and get comfortable. Breathe gently. Remember a time when you felt good, loved or calm. It could be something that really happened, or something that you create, like being near a waterfall. Imagine being in this situation or with this person, and feel all of those pleasant feelings. Feel your body shift from what you were feeling, letting those feelings go. Let yourself feel more relaxed, comforted or at peace. Stay with this memory or image until you feel really connected to it.
• Exercise vigorously. This can help you to relax, feel energized, and generally feel better.
• Do something that relaxes you.
• Do something that absorbs your attention fully. This can help you to shift out of how you are feeling.
• Get a change of scenery. If you have been at home or in the same room a lot, maybe you need to get out, even if only for a walk around the block. Change your patterns. If you always go home after work only to feel stuck in your feelings, maybe you need to do something different -- go see a concert, a movie, or have dinner out, something that makes you feel good. Doing things to take care of yourself alone may be better than going home alone.
It's not always easy to stay with your feelings, but it can be rewarding when you do.
To listen to what’s deep inside
It is the hardest thing
To let go from the heart what hides
You deserve to listen...
-Susan Herrick, You Deserve
What to Do With Your Feelings
by Kali Munro, M.Ed., Psychotherapist,
Intense emotion can be overwhelming for all of us. And if you're just opening up to an emotion, it can feel very raw. No matter how experienced you are with your emotions, we all need help sometimes to know how to deal with them.
Learning to recognize and stay with our feelings is a valuable experience. We can learn that just because we feel something, we don't have to act on it. Or that we can be angry and choose how to respond rather than let the anger control us. The more we know how we feel and ways to feel, release, be with, or let go of our feelings, the better we feel about ourselves.
But how do I know what I'm feeling?
If you don't know how you feel or how to get in touch with your feelings:
1. Identify how you feel:
• Sit quietly for a moment; you might want to close your eyes, and then wait and see what you notice from inside.
• Notice how different areas of your body feel.
• Focus on the areas of tension, breathe, and see if anything comes to your awareness. You don’t have to think about it.
• Notice whether any thoughts, images, feelings, memories, sounds come to you.
• If nothing comes, that’s okay. You may still want to continue.
• Ask yourself how you're feeling, and be aware of what comes up.
• You don’t have to figure anything out, just be aware.
• If nothing comes to you, that's okay. Sometimes that happens. You may still want to try again, another time.
2. Acknowledge your feelings:
• If you know how you feel, let yourself know that this is how you are feeling right now, and that’s okay.
• You don’t have to know where it is coming from.
• You don’t even have to know what to name it; you may simply know that you have a lot of pain in your chest.
• Breathe through it.
• Let your feelings just be there.
• You don’t have to do anything with them, just accept that this is how you feel.
But where do these feelings come from? They just seemed to come out of the blue.
If you want to understand why you feel a certain way:
1. Identify the source of your feelings:
• Know that you are not being "silly" or "crazy" for feeling how you feel; your feelings are there for a good reason.
• Turn inward, and ask yourself what are these feelings connected to.
• Wait and see what you notice. You might just know. You might remember something, see an image, hear a sound, notice tension in a particular area of your body.
• Try not to analyse, interpret or judge what comes to you. Be open to what you notice.
• Go deeper. We may think we already know why we're feeling a certain way, but sometimes there is more to it than what we think. Being patient and receptive helps us to go deeper.
• If nothing comes to you, that’s okay, too. It helps to just let yourself feel.
What do I do with these feelings?
2. Express or release your feelings.
Even if you don't know why you are feeling this way, you can still express yourself in the privacy of your own home.
• Focus on how you feel. Open your mouth and let a sound come from that feeling.
• Move with the feeling. You can dance, stomp around, kick, hit something.
• Scream. If you are worried about the sound, you can scream into a pillow.
• Cry. If you feel like crying, give yourself permission to do this.
• Write or draw from this feeling place. Don’t censor yourself, let the feeling do the writing or drawing.
• Say out loud what you need to say to someone.
• Tell someone supportive how you are feeling.
It's too much for me. I can't take it any more. What do I do?
1. Comfort and reassure yourself:
• Talk to yourself as you would a friend. Be gentle and kind.
• Reassure yourself with whatever you need to hear, for example, "I’m okay, I’m safe."
• Curl up in a comfortable chair/bed with a blanket, a warm drink, a good book, or watch a show on T.V.
• Do something nice for yourself. Treat yourself to something special, take a bubble bath, go to a spa, get a massage.
• Talk to a supportive friend. Ask for what you need.
2. Take a break from your feelings:
Sometimes feelings become overwhelming and you need a break from them. This doesn't mean denying that they are there, only that you need a break and will come back to them later when you are rested. After taking a break, it is important to come back to your feelings. They may have changed, and that's okay.
• Create a safe inner place. Let your imagination create an image of something(s) that represents how you are feeling right now. It may be concrete or abstract. Take your time, let your imagination develop this fully. Then imagine a protective bubble around this image, separating yourself from it. Look at the image. Notice that it is still there, but separate from you. Your feelings are still there, but you are not in them right now. You have a choice, you don't have to be in your feelings right now. Let yourself take the break that you need. Taking this break will mean that you will be better able to deal with them later. You may want to imagine yourself in a safe place -- any image that you choose.
• Remember times when you felt good. Let yourself relax and get comfortable. Breathe gently. Remember a time when you felt good, loved or calm. It could be something that really happened, or something that you create, like being near a waterfall. Imagine being in this situation or with this person, and feel all of those pleasant feelings. Feel your body shift from what you were feeling, letting those feelings go. Let yourself feel more relaxed, comforted or at peace. Stay with this memory or image until you feel really connected to it.
• Exercise vigorously. This can help you to relax, feel energized, and generally feel better.
• Do something that relaxes you.
• Do something that absorbs your attention fully. This can help you to shift out of how you are feeling.
• Get a change of scenery. If you have been at home or in the same room a lot, maybe you need to get out, even if only for a walk around the block. Change your patterns. If you always go home after work only to feel stuck in your feelings, maybe you need to do something different -- go see a concert, a movie, or have dinner out, something that makes you feel good. Doing things to take care of yourself alone may be better than going home alone.
It's not always easy to stay with your feelings, but it can be rewarding when you do.
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